No one likes a liar. The problem is that no one likes the truth very much either; not the whole truth anyway, not all the time. We’re told
from a young age that lying is bad, but what would happen in a world where you could only tell the truth?
In theory a truthful world seems like a better one, but is it one you would want to live in? Dishonesty can be a terrible thing, marriages fall apart, friendships are lost and others get hurt. That being said, every liar reading this, is in good dishonest company, because while we all say we hate lies, none of us can actually help but tell them.
Various psychology tests tell me that the average person lies about 4 times per day; then again I could be lying. In a society where the lies blend so well with the truth, how do we know where to draw the line?
Mothers tell their children that a hurtful truth is better than a comforting lie; 18 years later however when that very same mother is asking her daughter if she thinks her diet’s been working, she isn’t asking for truth (the scales could tell her that) she’s seeking reassurance. It’s not so much that we don’t want to hear the truth, it’s that we are so used to the political correct answer “no you don’t look fat in that” “yes I like your new hair cut” “sorry I only just saw your missed call” that we become affronted and offended if we don’t receive it.
People ask for honesty, they ask for other peoples opinions, but what they’re really looking for is their own opinion mirrored back to them. Not all of the time, I don’t like to generalize, but some of the time at least. So what is the big deal if I tell my friend’s mum that her lasagna is ‘really nice’ or if I tell my sister that ‘she was out of his league anyway’?
I suppose the problem is that some of us don’t know where to draw the line and we continue justifying each lie as it happens. Since no one can tell us which lies are for the greater good and which are not, people who want to lie, will always find a way to excuse it. Because the most convincing liars are the ones which learn to lie to themselves a little too.
The problem is, once you have been caught in one lie, everything else you have ever said, gets thrown into dispute. Jeremy Kyle’s made a whole career out of it; as I’m sure have several top end divorce lawyers. So what’s the solution?
Do we chose moral clarity and run the risk of offending or upsetting someone, or even worse getting dumped or fired before clocking our first lie-free 168 hours? Or do we accept that not all lies are such terrible deceits?
“Oh this isn’t new, I’ve had it ages” “I’m fine” “I’m on my way” “I only had one glass of wine” “I didn’t have any signal” and my personal favorite ”it was in the sale” surely aren’t such terrible lies.
So far my personal approach on the truth has been: I’ll save it for when it matters. And I don’t think that’s a half bad plan.
