Milk Chocolate Fondant

Cuisine: Pan Asian
Location: Stables Market, London

Food: ★★★★☆
Atmosphere: ★★★★★
Setting: ★★★★★
Service: ★★★★☆

For any female visitors who might be in heels, the journey to the front entrance is a wobbly one at best, as Gilgamesh’s door step is nothing if not heel incompatible. Once having successfully made it over the cobble stones of Stable’s Market however, the red carpeted entrance is the tip of the stylish iceberg.

Lychee Martini’s

Upon taking the escalator up to the first floor, you are met with a carved wooden interior lit with extravagant lighting which promises a trendy night if not a tasty one.

Let’s start, as every good meal should, with the drinks. If it’s cocktails and champagne you’re after, this is the place for you. Apple and fig martinis, lychee martinis and a whole array of fruit based drinks I wouldn’t be able to pronounce but was more than happy to try. Don’t expect to find a pint of beer on the menu, but anything else your heart desires they do and they do rather well.

The service throughout the night was good, there was an initial mix up with our table however they resolved it in a matter of minutes and had us seated and drinking our first round of cocktails in almost no time.

The menu itself is influenced by South East Asia, Japan and China. It has plenty of variety, from Dim Sum to Sushi and Thai and Malaysian curries. The duck and watermelon salad is an absolute must try; despite watermelon not currently being in season it was fresh, tasty and the combination of flavors and textures worked well together.

To start, alongside the salad and our cocktails we ordered Black Cod and Prawn Dumplings alongside Chicken Goyza which came out of the kitchen fast and hot. The highlight of the meal however was the dessert: Milk Chocolate Fondant, Praline and Vanilla Ice Cream.

The food was presented well and whilst it wasn’t exactly cheap, it was no more expensive than I’d expect of any swanky London based restaurant.

If you’re the kind of person who usually enjoys some post dinner fun without having to traipse from venue to venue, Gilgamesh is the perfect place to visit on a Friday or Saturday night as dinner guests are offered a wrist band which allows free admission into the club upstairs. Known as being a bit of a celebrity hot spot, we did in fact spot a member of the Arsenal football team who was happy to take pictures with us. 

Between the restaurant, lounge bar and upstairs club, Gilgamesh was definitely the recipe for a fun night, just make sure you remember to bring your card with you, as you will probably find yourself in need to a cash point trip mid way through the night.

Mojo’s Fruity Pancakes

Cuisine: Various
Location: Ashfield Parade, Southgate, London

Food: ★★★★☆
Atmosphere: ★★★★★
Setting: ★★★☆☆
Service: ★★★★★

Once known as Choccocino’s, the newly opened Mojo’s Kitchen is very much a case of: new owners, new name, new menu.

I can only describe their style of food as “a little bit of everything”. Whatever you fancy, they’ve probably got it; their menu varies from breakfast to burgers, fish cakes and ribs. Whilst the menu sounds a bit messy, for a food lover who appreciates a bit of variety, it makes perfect sense.

Mojo’s Breakfast

Whilst Mojo’s menu runs all the way from breakfast to dinner, I would offer them a delicious crown of honor as the perfect place to brunch. There’s nothing overly fancy about Mojo’s, the interior is simple, clean and even has an outdoor area with tables and chairs where you can enjoy a cup of tea in the sunshine (if ever we see any that is).

Their breakfast pancakes are especially good and they seem all too happy to appease fussy customers by substituting a bit of this for a bit of that. Most importantly they’ve got their proportions the right way round – large portions, small price tag.

Not to mention that the end of our meal was greeted with both the bill and a follow on Twitter and let’s face it, it’s always nice to come as customers and leave as friends.

The Byron Burger

Cuisine: Burger Bar
Location: Various

Food: ★★★★☆
Atmosphere: ★★★★☆
Setting: ★★★☆☆
Service: ★★★★★

My experience at Bryon Burger is the definition of a ‘beautiful accident’. ’Accident’ because after waiting an hour for a table at another eatery, I sought out a restaurant that would be kind enough to seat three hungry girls on a Friday night, without a reservation.

The restaurant itself is nothing to look at, I can only describe the interior as simple like it’s menu. Byron Burger’s philosophy is “do one thing and do it properly” so if it’s variety you’re after, go elsewhere. If burger’s are your food of choice however, I’d say you’ve come to the right place.

Mac & Cheese and Skinny Fries

As a meat enthusiast, when it comes to burgers I border on obsessive. Whilst I’m un-moving on my requirements, they are pretty simple: good quality meat, perfectly seasoned and cooked to perfection (which they were, the burgers at Byron are served medium unless requested otherwise).

The patties are juicy and flavorful, the buns are soft and the mac & cheese was not far off perfect. In fact it’s no wonder that over the last years several new branches have sprung up around town, after all, where the food is good the people will follow.

When it comes to burgers in London, finding a place to eat isn’t hard. Finding a restaurant that will serve you a “proper burger” is another matter altogether, however as long as you’re happy with your gherkin on the side of your burger and not in it… then if you ask me, Byron’s have all the fundamentals right.

The skinny fries were nothing to write home about but the courgette fries and proper olives are on the money. The price is reasonable, the staff were attentive but most importantly, their meat is definitely worth hopping a train into town for.

House cut steak, triple cooked chips and salad

Cuisine: Steakhouse
Location: Chelsea

Food: ★★★☆☆
Atmosphere: ★★☆☆☆
Setting: ★★★★☆
Service: ★★★★★

With Marco Pierre White’s name above the door, I expected great things (or at the very least great steak). Kings Road Steakhouse & Grill is situated in the chic Chelsea neighborhood and the restaurant promises a classy night out.

The decor can only be descried as clean and plain; it features white walls, white table cloths, white chairs and plenty of mirrors. Individual table lamps and a large chandelier add some modern touches to the otherwise classic surroundings.

Kings Road Steakhouse Cosmopolitan

Courses came out quickly and the waiters were charming enough; as for the food itself, it was pleasant if not slightly unremarkable. The soup of the day was caramelized onion soup which was creamy and tasty but was lacking any accompanying bread, which would have been a nice if not entirely necessary addition to the starter.

The pièce de résistance, the much awaited steak came with a choice of sauces and for those who like their steaks somewhat underdone, I am sure you would have found the cut masterfully cooked. For me, it was underdone, I ordered medium but received a rare steak. This being said, the steak itself was tender, flavorful and juicy.

Sticky Toffee Pudding

The couple on the table next to us also felt their steaks had been under cooked and their medium steak were sent back only half eaten.

At this point I should add that the tables are packed quite closely together and whether you like it or not, a dinner for two becomes a dinner for six (you, and the couples either side of you).

The desert, accompanied by an ice-cold Cosmopolitan slipped down nicely and may well have been the best of the three courses.

The Kings Road Steakhouse offers various online deals to dine in for two which most of the patrons in the restaurant had pre-purchased (as they were eating from the same fixed menu that I was).

Whilst the fixed menu is somewhat limited (and requires you to pay extra for sides and certain cuts of steak) it made an otherwise expensive meal quite reasonable.

Marco Pierre White’s Kings Road Steakhouse & Grill is pleasant enough if it’s a quiet meal you’re after, however as restaurants go I wouldn’t consider this one a core shaker.

Oat and Protein Pancakes

Cuisine: Protein Based, Healthy Living Cuisine
Location: Gants Hill (Alternate locations also available)

Food: ★★★★★
Atmosphere: ★★★★☆
Setting: ★★★★☆
Service: ★★★★★

Gyms Kitchen is the UK’s first protein based restaurant, which in layman’s terms means they note the protein content and calories content of each dish on the menu. The menu, incidentally is based on a high protein healthy diet, so if it’s a burger and large fries you’re after, you’ve come to the wrong place.

This being said, with bikini season approaching, I find more of us are having to part with our beloved take-away menus and replace the poppadoms with push-ups. So if ever there was a time to seek out an eatery for healthy living, the lead up to summer would be it.

Anyone who has been attempting clean and healthy eating will have discovered one of two things: being healthy is actually quite expensive and finding something diet-appropriate on a menu is harder than one thinks.

Marinated lamb cubes

Queue: Gyms Kitchen. Gym go-ers heaven.

The menu is essentially perfect for those who are training or trying to lose weight. But it’s not so much focused on calories as it is health and nutrition. There are a variety of grilled meat’s and vegetables, protein shakes, smoothies and healthy breakfast and brunch alternatives for those looking for something a little lighter.

As a self confessed pancake lover, they were on the top of my must-try list and I’m glad to report that they did not disappoint. Made with egg whites, oats, protein powder and optional blueberries, they hit every spot, without even a glimpse of food-guilt.

The service was impeccable, our waitress was friendly, helpful and even encouraged us to try the large variety of frozen yogurt flavors before ordering the one we wanted. The table was cleaned at least three times during our meal and despite the restaurant being busy, we were never left waiting.

The menu offered a huge variety of foods, to suit all nutritional goals, be that a post gym snack or simply an afternoon lunch with friends that doesn’t break the diet. The food itself is fresh, well marinated and full of flavor; the fact it was healthy is an added bonus and not the main attraction.

Don’t let the name fool you, whilst Gyms Kitchen is a haven for those on a guilt-free food mission, the menu has something for everyone and varies from the simplest dishes (peanut butter on toast) to tuna steaks and king prawns.

In summary: fast, affordable and not shy with their serving’s of peanut butter (which on its own earns them an extra star). Will I be purchasing myself a Gyms Kitchen t-shirt any time soon, no. Will I be visiting again, oh most definitely, every tasty bite was well worth the 30 minute drive it took me to get there.

Cinnamon French Toast

Cuisine: British Artisan Cafe

Location: Barnet (Friern Barnet Rd)

Food: ★★★★★
Atmosphere: ★★★★★
Setting: ★★★★☆
Service: ★★★☆☆

Boyden’s Kitchen is the definition of homely and quirky. The mismatched tea cups, board games and knitted dolls for sale all add to the charm of the place, but it’s the food that will keep you going back.

Their breakfast/ brunch style menu has every food lovers essential from cinnamon french toast to pancakes, poached eggs, salmon, porridge and eggs with soldiers. The green tea with mint and rose tea is particularly memorable, as in fact is their Monmouth coffee.

Fresh home-made cakes & pastries

Their selection of home-made cakes and pastries changes on a weekly basis and serve to add to the already fabulous menu.

Boyden’s Kitchen Knitted Dolls

The itself menu isn’t extensive, but what they lack in variety they make up for in quality; the food is fresh and arrives quickly despite the cafe always being busy. The dishes are every Instagramers dream, as each plate is beautifully prepared so that it looks as good as it tastes and the portions are what every food lover hopes for: hearty and inexpensive.

Fluffy Pancakes

The staff were helpful and accommodating with order changes and substitutions and there are newspapers, magazines and free WiFi to keep even the most impatient diner occupied until the food arrives.

The decor is charming and haphazard and is the perfect place to visit on a lazy morning. The only criticism I could give Boyden’s is that you have to go to the counter to pay and they’re only open until 5.30pm.

That being said, the parking is free which adds to the already extensive list of pro’s and tips the scale in favor of making Boyden’s your next must visit place.

They say you have to kiss a few frogs before you actually meet prince charming, which in non Disney terms roughly translates to “you have to date a few twats before you meet Mr Right”.

For women, this tends to mean that your 20’s are filled with a lot of trial-and-error dating, which consists of one dead end relationship after another, until you finally meet someone who doesn’t make you want to turn to drinking and/or violence.

Until then, there is a whole array of d**kheads which we can work our way through, and let’s be honest, if you say you haven’t dated at least one of the following, you’d probably be lying:

The Fear Of Commitment Dude

You know the one. This is the guy you date for a year who still won’t change his relationship status on Facebook, or so much as call you his girlfriend to his mates. He wants the perks of a relationship without the pressure of putting any sort of label on it. He doesn’t feel he has to text you every day, because he’s a “free spirit” and isn’t ready for all that serious stuff.

He will ultimately break up with you, because, despite the fact you’ve never so much as mentioned him meeting your parents, he’s inwardly paranoid that you’ve been organising your wedding since the moment you met.

The Patronizing 30 Year Old Dude

Eventually, every 20 something girl will make the executive decision to date an older man. She’s worked her way through enough “boys” who don’t know how to treat her right and decided that she needs an older, more mature lover. Someone who can afford to take her on fabulous dates and isn’t afraid of discussing the future.

The trouble with “older” men is that you’re now considered the “immature” one in the relationship. They don’t understand why you need to go clubbing, wear short dresses or get drunk on Apple Sours and before you know it you’re the one deemed not serious enough.

The “I’m Not Ready For A Relationship” But Is Dating Someone Else 2 Weeks Later Dude

There’s always one guy, who wants to “keep it casual” with you because of some half baked excuse or other. He’s just come out of a serious relationship or he’s focusing on his career right now (blah blah).

You date him because you’re fabulous and you’re sure that he’ll change his mind once he gets to know you. But, when true to form you fail to get him to commit you call it a day, usually on fairly good terms because lets face it, the boy already told you that he wasn’t ready for love.

It’s all fine. That is until one month later, you find out that Mr. I’m Not Ready is dating someone else.

The Overly Attached Dude

Then there are the ones who want you a little bit too much.

I know how this sounds… one minute we’re moaning that men don’t want to settle down and the next minute we’re saying they’re too clingy. These poor fella’s just can’t win.

But any girl who has dated an “overly attached guy” knows exactly what I mean. You’ve been on two dates and he’s talking about the future, tries to introduce you to his mum and texts you every waking moment of the God damn day. He’s constantly telling you he misses you (even though he was with you 30 minutes ago) and despite the fact you don’t even know his surname yet, he’s acting like you are the love of his life.

The Can’t Kiss For S**t Dude

It has been said that these creatures are the most deceptive of all, because on the outside they look just like me and you. Sexy, smart, clever, confident and witty. FINALLY a guy you can get on board with.

They drop you off at the end of your first date and lean in to make this good date even better.

Of course it’s only after he’s finished prodding your tonsils with his tongue that you work out how on earth this amazing catch is still single. At this point you ask yourself three questions: 1. Can I fix this 2. Is my lip bruised 3. I wonder if I change my number if he’ll get the hint.

The “I’m Not Like Other Guys” Dude

Guys who claim they “aren’t like other guys” are the worst kind of guys. They are the ones who know they are d***heads and make a conscious effort to cover it up.

The Cheapskate Dude

This is the classic “shall we go for a drive” guy. Because driving to McDonald’s for a milkshake and 6 nuggets is a hell of a lot cheaper than taking you to dinner.

If you agree to the drive you should know that date two will then be “do you want to come over for a movie” because why the hell should he pay £40 for cinema tickets and popcorn when he can download the damn thing for free and serve you those fancy chili crisps his mum brought last week.

The “Do You Really Need To Go Out With Your Friends” Dude

The controlling guy. He’s always complaining about something or other because he likes to establish his dominance whenever and wherever possible. A dog wee’s on a tree to mark his territory. A controlling man pisses all over your parade to establish his.

Despite his other very wonderful qualities, eventually you know you’re going to ditch him, because frankly, no grown woman likes being told what to do. Except in the bedroom maybe.

French Toast

Cuisine: Cafe / Brasserie

Location: Cockfosters

Food: ★★★★★
Atmosphere: ★★★★☆
Setting: ★★★★☆
Service: ★★★★☆

Come close food lovers and let me tell you about a place I know called Middeys.

For those of you who have yet to stumble across this retro little brasserie in the heart of Cockfosters let me assure you, their French toast alone is worth a visit.

Freshly Squeezed Orange Juice

Middeys boasts a stylist retro interior coupled with a fantastic dining experience. The staff were attentive, the menu is fairly extensive and the juices are freshly pressed.

At Middeys, as much thought is given to the presentation as it is the preparation; the juices are served in little jars, the signature breakfasts are eaten out of a frying pan and the fries come in little buckets.

The menu is a collaboration of original and classic dishes, each presented with it’s own Middeys touch. The French Toast is made with Brioche, the Eggs Royale come on toasted artisan sourdough, the pancakes are served with ricotta cream and the burgers are home made.

Mediterranean Breakfast and French Toast

If like myself you know exactly what you like to eat, then you’ll be delighted to know that the Chefs are all too accommodating when it comes to making substitutions and additions to their menu items; because as I’m sure you can understand, sometimes you just need your pancakes with a side of Mediterranean sausage.

Taste and quality are at the heart of every dish and there is thought behind every component; if none of that serves to impress then I assure you, their freshly baked dessert selection will.

Dessert Selection

Whilst the desserts are not made in house, they are delivered fresh from a local bakery and do not disappoint in either taste or presentation. They offer a variety of macrons, fruit tarts and a range of very photogenic looking miniature cakes.

The menu is inexpensive,  the food arrives quickly and the tables are adequately spaced out. Parking can be a little bit of an issue if you’re visiting on a weekend, however I assure you once you’re inside, you’ll soon forget the 7 minutes it took you to find a spot for your car.

Nothing makes a women more mentally imbalanced than having to wait by her phone for a text. And the longer it takes to get a reply, the more irrational we seem to become.

The first port of call is always the ‘best friend’ who is on hand with logical advice which you totally intend on ignoring. “Maybe he’s busy, or at work. Maybe his phone ran out of battery, or he’s testing you to see if you’ll go nuts. Try not to think about it, he’ll text back soon”.

And you’re nodding like:

But then as soon as you’re left to your own devices, all that great advice somehow gets forgotten and you’re back to trying to come up with your own brilliant ideas for making him text back faster.

For the record, cross the following off your “maybe I should” list because trust me you shouldn’t. That is, unless you have been given any indication that this particular gentleman is slightly turned on by clingy and or desperate women.

1. Don’t Send Him 7 Increasingly Hysterical Texts Over 2 Days.

Despite what you want to allow yourself to believe, his phone hasn’t spontaneously started to reject your messages. He didn’t accidentally block your number and I’m pretty certain he didn’t “reply but forget to press send”.

Whatever your logic, it’s wrong. He got your text, he just can’t reply right now, or simply doesn’t want to. Sending more texts is unlikely to help.

And for the record, re-sending the same message again is also pretty ridiculous. “Oh maybe he’ll think my phone just sent it twice accidentally”. Yes, maybe. Or, maybe he’ll think you’re insane.

2. Don’t Leave A Voice Mail

Cute voicemails are only cute when they aren’t preceded by three unanswered texts. If he’s ignoring you and you’re leaving adorable messages for him, you just seem a little desperate. And I was being nice when I said “a little”.

3. Do Not Get Your Friend To Call Him From Unknown Number

Classic girl move. After obsessing over the fact he hasn’t replied, you decide to put him through the “does he have his phone with him” test. Of course he’s with his phone! Is there anyone in this day and age who spends more than an hour apart from their beloved smart phone? Unless he was mugged (unlikely) he has his phone with him.

So if your plan is to call him from an unknown number, then act enraged when he picks up, I’m telling you, save those unlimited minutes and don’t bother. Whatever the reason for his silence, it is not that he is phone-less.

4. Don’t Drunk Dial

Don’t call him after three glasses of wine to tell him what an idiot he is. You’re going for class and sophistication, not desperation and alcoholism.

By all means have your wine fest, go ahead and drunkenly bitch to your friends about what a “child” he’s being, but first put your phone somewhere, where drunk you can’t reach it. Sadly, “it wasn’t me, it was the vodka” is rarely accepted as an adequate excuse for drunk dialing.

5. DO NOT DO A DRIVE BY HIS HOUSE

This move is also known as the “what the f*** is he doing, that he can’t stop for two seconds and text me back?”

First I must ask you, what possible difference could his location make to this situation? The beauty of mobile technology, is that it really doesn’t matter where the hell he is.

Secondly, what do you intend to do if he sees you? Roll your window down and wave? I think not… reverse back into your drive and abort mission.

6. Do Not Inbox Him On Facebook To Ask If He Got Your Texts

“Hey babe, did you get my text” roughly translates to “Hey babe, I’ve been sitting by my phone for 13 hours and if you don’t reply soon, I’m going to have an emotional meltdown and change my Facebook status to It’s Complicated“.

Don’t be that girl.

7. Don’t Try To “Casually” Bump Into Him

What’s that? He tweeted that he was going to the pub and you just happened to bump into him there? This ones a total mystery, surely he’ll never put two and two together! That is, unless he didn’t have a partial lobotomy earlier that day.

8. Don’t Like All His Instagram Pictures While You Wait For A Reply

Pandering to his ego won’t help. Your 3 texts in a row already made it obvious that you like him. I promise you the issue is that you haven’t made your feelings clear enough.

9. Don’t Message His Friends To Ask Him To “Call You”

Because the only thing worse than him thinking you’re a bit clingy, is his friends thinking it too. Men who lack their own opinions, tend to just develop those of their friends. Plus, if he isn’t texting you, it’s unlikely his friends will take your side instead of his. When it comes to getting his boys involved… avoid avoid avoid.

I know you have images of them going back to him with a “why aren’t you texting her, she’s such a nice girl”. But guys don’t do that. The closest you’ll get is: “how did that chick you’re dating get my number?”

So now we’ve gone through what you can’t do, here’s what you can: Stop starring at your phone, stop checking to see if you’ve lost signal, stop asking your friends to text you to test if they’re coming through. Go out, enjoy your life.

I guarantee he’ll reply eventually, usually with a half baked excuse which you may or may not choose to believe, that parts totally up to you.

Whoever said “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” clearly never understood the beauty of a cupcake. Or wine. Or chocolate. Or pizza. That being said, I’ve tried the “eat everything in sight and hope for a miracle diet” and it was largely ineffective.

In fact, when it comes to losing weight, I think “ineffective” is the operative word, because in the world of dieting, it’s so very easy to go wrong. So very very wrong.

When it comes to female dieting logic, I’ve heard it all (and also said it all) because no one, and I mean no one, can rationalize a calorie away like a woman on a diet can:

“If I skip lunch, I’m allowed a snickers… it’s the same calories as my salad anyway”

A calorie is a calorie right?! If two donuts have the same calorie content as a super-food salad, who’s to say it matters which of the two we eat… as long as we don’t eat both.

But what about fat content… or sugar content… or… oh you’ve already started eating the donuts. Never mind.

“Sunday is my cheat day”

Someone who knows about diets: “Cheat day? Do you mean cheat meal?”

Me: “No I mean cheat day. I’ve ruined my diet already so I might as well persevere and eat all the junk food in the house, so there’s nothing left to tempt me tomorrow”.

“Marshmallows and jelly babies are fat-free… so they basically fall into the health food category”

Now don’t quote me on this, but I’m almost certain strawberry laces are not one of your 5-a-day.

“Liquid calories aren’t really a thing… you pee them right out”

A glass of wine has the same amount of calories as a large Cornetto ice cream (and let’s be honest, who ever stops at one glass?!). Alcohol contains seven calories a gram, in fact, almost as many as pure fat!

“I’ve got a tight dress to fit into tonight so I’m not eating anything today”

Yep, done that. Usually followed by a 3am binge of anything and everything I can find. Plus toast. Because even if you get a bargain bucket on your way home… you needs some pre-bed toast. “To soak the alcohol up”.

“I barely eat anything but I’m putting on weight”

I, like many others, suffer from an increasingly widespread disorder known as “food related memory loss”. This involves eating 7 times a day, but only remembering 3 of them. But the truth is, if you’re putting on weight, you’re probably eating more than you think. Or you’re eating the wrong things.

Don’t believe me? Carry around a diary for one week and write everything you eat in it. The chances are you’ll be coming out as a secret eater by the end of it.

“Everything I eat when I come home after the gym doesn’t count”

“After you work out, your body continues burning fat for another hour, so anything you eat within that hour doesn’t count. They’re free calories!” – Dumb s**t women say.

“I never eat breakfast… it makes me fat”

Me for the first 24 years of my life: “I don’t eat breakfast, it awakens my appetite then I can’t stop eating all day”.
20 minutes later: *Eats waffle* “Yeah… this is lunch though. And I deserve it for making it to 1pm without eating”.

“I’ll have cereal for dinner to be healthy. One bowl, two bowl, three bowls… what difference does it make!?”

30 grams suggested serving size? Yeah I think that’s only for kids though…

“Coke Zero has the same calories as water… therefore it is basically water”

Look, I’m no health expert, but one thing I know is that if a drink has no calories in it, but still tastes as good as its “full fat” counterpart, they’re putting some crazy s**t in there.

I know it sounds rich coming from the woman who thought alcohol can’t make you fat, but I’m sticking to my guns on this one. Drink some God damn water.

“Carbs are the devil. That bowl of pasta I ate last night is the sole reason for my impending obesity”

Everything is okay in moderation. Plus, it’s all about eating the right carbs. Oatmeal for breakfast = good. French fries for dinner = bad.

But then, we must ask ourselves… what is life without the occasional fry?

I can’t say I have always been interested in being fit or healthy because I haven’t. In fact the only consistent loves of my life are pizza and S’mores.

Then a combination of reaching my mid 20’s and the growing popularity of stretchy leggings as acceptable day attire meant the skinny jeans which once fit, suddenly became another item of clothing destined to hang in my cupboard forever. Or at least until car boot sale season came around and I could flog them for a pound, eradicating all evidence that I was once thin.

Then came the season of Crop Tops and Bralet’s and it dawned on me, that if I ever wanted to get out of leggings and into something non elasticated I was going to have to unhand the box of Oreo cookies and pick up the occasional carrot stick.

If all that sounds a bit too familiar but you don’t know the first thing about getting into shape, well first finish reading this blog and then consider getting someone to advise you on your fitness journey. Mine started with the help of a personal trainer who helped me set realistic goals and told me where I was going wrong; according to him, swapping lunch for chocolate was not an acceptable weight loss technique and upon reflection, perhaps he was right.

But since even a trainer can’t come to your house at 1am and confiscate the cookies from your hands, you have to accept that this journey is going to require some will power.

But first, the basics:

1. Commit To It

You can’t lose weight on a half-hearted diet. I have been on a life long search of how to stay in shape without making any effort what so ever. It turns out, you can’t.

2. Set A Goal

Your body goal is something only you can set. No one can tell you what size or shape is right for you. However, if the shape you want is not the shape you have, then set a target and work towards it.

3. Learn How To Eat

I know what you’re thinking “Learn how to eat? What a load of old tosh. Eating is just about the only thing I do know how to do”. But trust me, eating and eating right are two different things.

Achieving the body you want is 30% exercise and 70% diet. Learn what foods can help maximize your results, cut down on salt and sugar, increase your protein and vegetable intake and don’t be scared of carbs. Excuse the cliché but, a good diet is a balanced one.

4. Exercise

No, walking from your desk to the office kitchen doesn’t count.

Work out 3 times a week, don’t be afraid of weights and try exercising with a friend for extra motivation. If you make working out fun, you won’t dread it as much, in fact eventually you’ll start to look forward to it.

5. Establish a routine

On average, it takes more than two months before a new behavior becomes automatic — 66 days to be exact. So all  you have to do is stick to it for two months and then it will become part of your life. If you want to maintain a fit and healthy body you have to accept that it’s all about making a positive lifestyle change.

6. Understand where you’re going wrong

Everyone has a vice; whether it’s too much alcohol, too much sugar or too much snacking on the wrong things, if you’re having trouble achieving your goal weight, you’re probably going wrong somewhere. I found that keeping a food diary was key in identifying where the extra weight was coming from.

Before you begin your diet, considering writing down everything you eat or drink for a week, after all, it’s hard to deny the truth when it’s written in front of you. My vices? Six cups of tea a day with 2 spoons of sugar each. Large meals after midnight and no breakfast resulting in large 11am pre-lunch, lunches.

7. Stop counting calories

You don’t have to eat less, you just have to eat right. 2,000 daily calories in burgers, chocolate and fizzy drinks is never going to get you where you want. 2000 calories consisting of healthy meals, vegetables and low-fat snacks will.

8. Don’t turn a cheat meal into a cheat day

Losing weight shouldn’t be slow and painful torture. If you fancy being a little bit bad, go ahead. Just remember that a cheat meal does not need to turn into a cheat day (or a cheat week). Change that “I’ll start on Monday” attitude to “I’ll start after this cupcake” and you’re half way to success. Well, figuratively speaking anyway.

9. Focus on your health, not your weight

Work towards being a healthier person and the weight will sort itself out. In the mean time, don’t get caught up on what the scales show you, think “fat loss” not “weight loss”.

10. Don’t expect to work out once and wake up with a booty like Beyoncé.

It just don’t work like that. 

It takes 4 weeks to notice your body changing, 8 weeks for your friends to notice and 12 weeks for the rest of the world. Keep at it and results will come.

As for the personal trainer part, if you’re in the market for someone to help you squat to your ideal bottom size, click here to check out mine.

All Gone Mad

This month, prepare to have your mind blown as event company Xclusivetouch teams up with DNA Club in London to create an unusual and unique immersive party concept.

If you’re looking for a night out with a difference, then take note, because Xclusivetouch are taking clubbing to a whole new level, with a night which will tingle and tease each and every one of your senses.

On the 25th of April 2015, this 8 week pop up concept will be launching at DNA in Clapham, blurring the lines between clubbing, theatre and performance. The aptly named Mad Dames welcome you to step into their mismanaged Asylum where you are responsible for whatever may happen to you next.

Guests will be immersed through sight, smell, sound and touch. If you’re bored with Cosmopolitans, you can switch things up with an experimental cocktail from their laboratory, or simply enjoy the distinctive décor (a mix of raw metal fixtures and neon artwork).

The night also promises two shows, one at Midnight and another at 1am. The theatrical element of these performances will involve a number of acts interacting with the crowd and blurring the lines between performance and clubbing.

This is the ideal concoction on a Saturday night, you can drink, party and immerse in experimental madness.

All gone mad

Event Details:
Place: DNA Club Clapham Grand. 1 St Johns Hill, London, SW11 1TN
Date: 25th April 2015
What To Expect: Experimental Cocktails, Live entertainment, DJ Rockit Riyad – House, Deep House & Commercial club mix.

Click here to book your tickets now.

There are certain words and colloquialisms I have come to accept. I stood by while the word “lol” infiltrated the Oxford English Dictionary and became a legitimate word. I accepted that “on point” has (for reasons I can’t quite comprehend) been replaced with “on fleek” and that sometimes, when complimenting my friends shoes, it’s appropriate to describe them as “hella” cute.

Based on your age (and let’s face it, Education level) you may or may not fully understand what half of this means and I suppose you don’t really need to. Though for the record, if someone tells you that “Jennifer” is “thirsty” that is not your cue to offer her a glass of water and FYI the word “basic” is basically an insult now.

The list goes on and on. Another year, another list of slang words which will probably be out of fashion faster than combat trousers and choker necklaces.

The world is forming full sentences with words which, I’m certain don’t really exist and I’m okay with that. That being said, as a lover of real words and a writer no less, I have to draw the line somewhere and I’m drawing it at “bae”.

What does bae even mean? Is it short for babe? Was the additional “b” secretly bothering everyone but me? Or perhaps the extra “b” is considered too time consuming. Though I would argue that if you can find the time in a day to flick your eye-liner and like Kylie Jenner’s latest Instagram picture, you have time to add the additional letter it takes to properly describe your boyfriend or girlfriend.

Some sources claim that “bae” stands for “before anyone else” which is marginally less irritating than a b-deficient-babe. That is until you realise how little sense that would make in a sentence. “I love my bae he’s hella cute” would roughly translate to “I love my before anyone else, he’s rather handsome” which makes about as much sense to me as a carb free diet.

Then there is the use of the word “bae” to describe inanimate objects “my bed is bae” “these cupcakes are bae” which leads me to believe there is no sentence which bae cannot be squeezed into and therefore probably no real escape from it. Bae is everything.

I had until recently made the assumption that “bae” is a term coined and predominantly used by Middle Schoolers and One Direction fans (who I can only assume use it to describe Harry Styles). A belief I held onto until the word began to infiltrate every one of my social media platforms and not sarcastically.

So it seems, much like the previously used “boo” the word bae is here to stay, if not in our actual day to day vocabulary, then most definitely in every song that is played in 20 years’ time when we ask the DJ for some “old school”.

Whilst that may not be of much comfort to those who can’t tolerate the word “bae” it’s best to remember that there was a time we thought “Fo shizzle” was here to stay, but thankfully it’s gone and we were non-the-worst for its short-lived appearance in our daily language.

I suppose when it comes to the word “bae” there are three types of people: the users, the non-users and the Danish, to whom the word means faeces (that’s poop to you and me).

As a brand it is important to pay attention to where people are engaging and spending time. With 500 million monthly active users it’s safe to say that Instagram is incredibly important for those seeking to market their brand.

A study by Forrester Research indicated that Instagram users were 58 times more likely to like or comment on a brand’s post than Facebook users. That being said some effort is required on the brand’s behalf. It’s not as simple as posting a photo and waiting for the interactions to come flooding in.

Below are five basic but integral tips for growing your Instagram following:

1. Use Popular Hashtags

Use Popular Hashtags

Using popular hashtags helps other users find your images in search. The hashtag #Foodie is more likely to generate you views than something much more specific like #EatingBurgersWithSue

2. Use The Mayfair Filter

According to Track Maven’s Fortune 500 Instagram Report, the Mayfair filter is the single most effective filter for marketers.

3. Use Third Party Services

Growing your Instagram following can be hugely time consuming. I used to spend hours a day liking other people’s posts in order to get people to notice my page. Although an effective method, this is undoubtedly a time consuming one too.

I have since signed up to a third party service called Social Hype which helps you discover customers and interacts with them on your behalf. There is a three day free trial available for those who want to try it out.

4. Focus On Quality Over Quantity

Delete any low quality photos from your Instagram account and focus on posting appealing, eye catching content. Whilst posting regularly is important, businesses are better off with fewer high quality posts than a lot of pointless updates. Every post shared on social media should take the overall image of your brand into consideration.

Simply put, the better your Instagram content is, the more likely you are to gain followers.

5. Use Appealing Colours

Yes there are “correct” colours to use on Instagram when trying to achieve more likes. A wealth of research has discovered that images featuring cool tones such as blue, green and beige receive more engagement than photos which feature warmer colours such as reds, yellows and pinks.